The Evolution of the ‘Toi’

If we analyze the peculiarities of the Kazakh social structure before the October Revolution, we can see that children of the same ancestor lived in one village for three to four generations. It is important to remember that at that time, villages were not physical settlements like they are today, but rather communities of relatives who moved together. Following the exogamous rule, which forbade marriage between people who were related within seven generations of ancestors, a girl from another village was found, engaged, and betrothed. The main decision was made by the fathers of the boy and girl. The following image summarizes the main stages of the matrimonial traditions at that time.

Before the October Revolution, life in Kazakhstan was shaped by a rich tapestry of customs and traditions, and it is worth discussing each one depicted in this picture briefly. There are, of course, other customs and traditions that are not depicted in the image, and a detailed description of them can be found in the works of other scholars.

One of the first steps in arranging a marriage was the custom of sending jaushy, or a messenger. This person was sent to a girl’s village to let her family know that a marriage proposal would follow. After the jaushy arrived, the girl's father would consider the proposal. If he gave his consent, negotiations for the wedding date and the qalyn mal (bride price) would then begin. Sometimes, the girl's father would not give his answer right away but would send a messenger (another jaushy) to the boy's village instead. Once consent was received, the groom’s village and family would make preparations for a formal visit, including a celebration where the future in-laws would meet. Since the qalyn mal was expensive, it was considered normal to split it into seven installments over several years. The wedding would not take place until the bride price was paid in full, which would, interestingly, need to be completed before the girl was old enough to marry.

Before the ūzatu toiy, the formal send-off celebration held by the bride's parentsiŪzatu toiy, or send-off wedding, is a celebration from the bride's side in her house, village, or city. The Kazakhs are a nomadic community that marry outside their tribes, and a bride could end up hundreds of miles away, making bidding her farewell an essential custom., the groom would make several visits to the bride’s village. The first was often a secret visit, and when the qalyn mal was almost paid, the groom would return for a second visit with a group of people, carrying gifts for the bride’s family. It was customary to hold a special ūryn toi (secret party) for the last visit. In addition, once the bride price was almost fully paid, the bride's family would begin to organize the ūzatu ceremony. And once the bride had arrived in her new home, the main wedding celebration would take place, including the betashar, a ritual in which the bride's face was revealed to her new family and community.

During the matchmaking process, exchanging gifts played an important part along with the qalyn mal. These gifts included the dowry, various ceremonial gifts, and tokens of goodwill between the two families. The average qalyn mal was traditionally measured in livestock, specifically by forty-seven heads of cattle. In fact, the term qyryq jeti (meaning dowry) derives from this custom. The average qalyn mal was traditionally measured in livestock, specifically by forty-seven heads of cattle. The term ‘forty-seven’ (qyryq jeti) derives from this. According to ethnographer Shakhmardan Ibragimov, at that time, the value of a person’s life (blood price or qūn) and the material compensation offered differed by gender. For example, the value of the life of a man was 100 horses and 6 jaqsy (meaning good or fine; a set of different gifts), and the price of a woman was 50 horses and 3 good. Before the qalyn mal was paid, an initial exchange of gifts, equivalent to three heads of cattle, took placeiIbragimov I.I. Ethnographic essays of the Kyrgyz people // Russian Turkestan. The collection, published in connection with the Polytechnic exhibition. Issue 2. M., 1872 .

There were also variations in the qalyn mal according to the status of the people involved. For example, Ibragimov says that sultans gave fifty-seven heads of cattle, and poor and middle-class people gave between seventeen and forty-seven heads. Other researchers mention that the wealthy sometimes gave as many as even 100–150 headsi Tronov V. D. Customs and customary law of the Kyrgyz people. 1891., and the poor gave 7–9 heads. In addition to the qalyn mal, there were also customary obligations such as wedding cattle and a süt aqy (milk fee) paid to the bride’s mother in recognition of her upbringing.

As for the cost of the dowry, opinions vary. Some researchers say that it was equal to the cost of wedding cattle, while others argue that it exceeded the cost of the qalyn mal. The bride’s family were in charge of determining the cost and nature of the dowry, but if the offering was inadequate, the groom's side may voice their concerns. The dowry traditionally included a fully equipped yurt, complete with the outer wooden frame and furnishings. According to custom, the yurt was covered with seven layers of felt, four of which were given by the groom's father, and the remaining three by the girl's father with other household itemsi. Kislyakov N.A. Essays on the history of family and marriage among the peoples of Central Asia and Kazakhstan. Leningrad: Nauka, Otdelenie, 1969.

In addition, the girl's clothes and jewelry were also included in the dowry. A special element of the dowry was that the girl would sew her own saukele (bride headwear) herself by hand. The cost of the saukele reflected the wealth and status of her village. Finally, the camel used to transport the dowry was also included in it.

Beyond these customs, there are written records of other unique marriage practices from this period. One of these was the besik qūda (cradle engagement), where the marriage was agreed upon between families when the bride and groom were still infants; another was the bel qūda (waist engagement), where the marriage was arranged during early childhood; and yet another was the süiek qūda (bone engagement), which revives the bond between families who have previously intermarried. These types of marriages were thought to be practiced only by the wealthy, but some scholars now posit that even the poor, who could not afford to pay a dowry, had the same customs. This is because it was easy to arrange a dowry payment from an early age. In addition, there is also the qarsy qūda (mutual or reciprocal engagement), in which two families would agree to marry off their daughters of similar age to each other’s sons. In such cases, dowry was not usually exchanged. Interestingly, a well-known Kazakh marriage custom came into existence due to the groom’s inability to pay the qalyn mal. He would instead work for or serve his father-in-law (and the family) and the term küshik küieu (literally, ‘puppy husband’ in Kazakh) may also have evolved from this custom.

Two other types of marriages typical of this period are the ämeñgerlik (levirate marriage) and baldyz alu (sororate marriage). In the levirate custom, a woman marries her husband's older or younger brother in the event of his death. A sororate marriage is a little different because in this tradition, if the promised bride passes away, the groom is allowed to marry her younger sister, that is, his sister-in-law.

Thus, the cultural life in Kazakhstan before the October Revolution reflected how close the customs and traditions were to the ancient Kazakh nomadic, pastoral way of life. In fact, the wedding gifts and the names of the customs still in use today tell us a lot about the past. And what makes this particularly fascinating is how Kazakhs during this period maintained a delicate balance between following formal legal systems—obeying the laws of Shariat (Islamic law) and Adat (customary law)—and strictly adhering to the unwritten rules passed down orally through generations of steppe life.

The first significant changes in Kazakh wedding traditions coincided with the increasing power of the Soviet government after the October Revolution. Some traditions were banned by law under the pretext of being ‘a remnant of the past’, while others underwent changes due to ideology and certain historical events.

So, to begin with, let's discuss the traditions that were officially prohibited by law. In 1917, the authority to perform neke or nikah (marriage according to Islamic tradition) was taken away from mullahsiDecree of the Council of People's Commissars of the RSFSR On Civil Marriage, Children and Civil Registry bookkeeping, adopted on December 18, 1917 and transferred to the newly established civil registration organizations. However, even before the revolution, the Kazakhs did not consider the neke particularly important. According to one researcher, the mullah would call and perform the wedding in the bride’s father’s house, while another posits that the marriage ceremony would take place sometime after the wedding night.

This shift away from religious ceremonies accelerated in the following decades as Soviet policies became more stringent. Mosques began to close in the 1920s, but according to the elders, despite this ban, mullahs from neighboring villages were invited to perform marriage ceremonies. By the late 1980s, religious marriage ceremonies were no longer performed.

In 1921, the custom of the qalyn mal was bannediDecree of the Central Committee of the Turkestan Autonomous Soviet Socialist Republic on the prohibition of polygamy and dowry payments, adopted on June 14, 1921. . However, it did not disappear completely and only decreased in number. Therefore, there are many reports of secret weddings taking place in order to hide the bride price ceremony. Another major factor that led to the decline of the practice of paying the bride prices and the performance of some rituals was the famine of 1921–22 and the subsequent mass collectivization. During this time, the number of livestock, on which the bride price was mainly counted, had sharply decreased, making it hard for families to keep up with the custom.

Over time, the tradition of ‘carrying a sack’ began to replace the traditional payment of a large bride price. Before the revolution, this practice was part of other rituals, but during the Soviet period, carrying a sack became a separate tradition in its own right. In many cases, it can be seen as people looking for a way out and avoiding the official ban as some sacks would contain money to supplement the qalyn mal. As the years went on, especially during the Soviet era, the contents of the bride’s dowry also evolved. For example, by the 1980s, it became common to include a full set of bedroom furniture as part of the dowry.

In 1924, a decree prohibiting polygamy was issuedi I.V. Stasevich 2007. Woman's social status among the Kazakhs: traditions and the modern times. T. 1, in Central Asia: Tradition in the conditions of changes, under the editorship of R.R. Rakhimova, p. 189–222. St. Petersburg: Nauka. . It is difficult to say for certain whether this decree was the main reason why this tradition declined so rapidly. According to scholars, even before the ban, polygamy was already rare in Kazakh society and only the wealthy took many wives. In any case, polygamy did not completely disappear under the Soviet regime. Although rare, some men continued to take second wives, often because their first wives could not bear children.

According to new decrees issued between 1928 and 1938, a new legal age for marriage was introduced: eighteen years for men and sixteen years for women. Although early marriages had decreased by the 1960s, you could still come across cases of false birth certificates being produced to cover up such incidents.

From the 1960s, Komsomol-styleihe All-Union Leninist Young Communist League, commonly referred to as Komsomol, was a political youth organization in the Soviet Union. weddings became widespread. These were usually held in a village house with a maximum of twenty guests. The short white wedding dress and veil also first appeared at this time, and wedding rings were also provided using special couponsi Kh. Argynbayev. Kazakh family traditions – Almaty: Qainar, 2005. - 215 p. . Wedding invitations with a photo of the couple, which can be found in many family albums, are also closely related to this period.

Although many rituals have declined, often disappearing, due to a number of prohibitions, some have survived. The very term qūda tüsu (matchmaking) has undergone a transformation and has been replaced by the word qūdalyq ötkizu (conducting matchmaking). This shift took place because it became more common for young men and women to meet through acquaintances, date, propose, and get married while studying in the city, even though the majority of young people kept their relationships secret from their parents.

And although preliminary engagements and arranged betrothals have become a rare phenomenon, the matchmaking ceremony has not been forgotten. Interestingly, despite the Soviet-era prohibitions and ideological pressures, many matchmaking rituals have retained their pre-revolutionary form. For example, traditional practices such as serving the matchmakers quiryq-bauyr (liver and broad tail fat), cured sheep breasts (in the Jetisu region), or brisket (in the Semei region), along with the custom of handing over special plates, are still practiced across the country.

As the Soviet government weakened and neared collapse, incidents of bride abductions without the girl’s consent increased. Ethnographers note that while the concept of marriage through abduction existed even before the revolution, such cases were rare. Even then, the girl would run away with her lover of her own free will, or choose another man to escape a man she did not like. However, from the late 1980s to the early 2000s, non-consensual abductions became increasingly widespread.

The practice of bride abduction, which continues today in some areas of Kazakhstan, developed its own set of rituals. For example, after a girl is abducted, a messenger comes to her parents' house to report the situation. As soon as the girl's family hears the news, the girl’s relatives or neighbors—sometimes even her parents—are dispatched in pursuit. However, the parents are usually not sent as chasers to prevent conflict with their future in-laws. One of the customs that emerged during this time was having the girl write a statement claiming she ‘left of her own free will’, a practice driven largely by fear of legal consequences.

In order to distract and appease the chasers, the groom’s family would typically host a feast and treat them well. However, even if the girl agreed to the marriage, the chasers would often shout things like ‘Give the girl back!’ as part of the tradition. This would be followed by symbolic gestures of reconciliation, such as dancing with the ‘thieves’ and wishing the young couple happiness. Afterward, it was customary for the groom’s parents to visit the girl’s family to apologize and formalize relations.

Towards the end of the Soviet era, it became common to hold weddings in large tents erected near family homes. Only some villages had places specifically designated for such gatherings, and until the mid-1990s, school gyms were rented out for weddings in some villages. And due to food shortages, most of the food on the wedding table was homemade.

Once Kazakhstan gained its independence, immediate changes were visible in the matrimonial traditions, particularly when political and economic reforms began to improve the well-being and living standards of the people. These changes were especially noticeable in the first decade of the 2000s. At the start of the new century, weddings moved to being held in tents to special venues and restaurants. The bride’s send-off ceremony became more lively, and they began to be held in wedding halls instead of the bride's house. Now, small matchmaking parties are held in tents set up in the courtyards of people’s homes, reflecting a blend of modern practices with the tradition of welcoming matchmakers at the bride and groom's homes. Sometimes, the new in-laws are first treated to a special meal at home and then taken to a restaurant or wedding hall.

Another interesting change in customs that accompanied the change in the choice of wedding venues is that as weddings increasingly moved to being held in restaurants and wedding halls, gifts that were once given in kind have been replaced by cash in envelopes. Today, wedding guests tend to base the size of their gifts on the type of venue and whether the wedding is being held in a village or city.

When talking about weddings and matchmaking in the Soviet era, it was often said that a single suit would be passed from one house to another. Guests would typically bring a practical gift like a carpet or even a sheep. However, since the 2000s, giving old or secondhand things, especially at matchmaking ceremonies, has been increasingly criticized. Instead, new gift trends have emerged every year, driven in part by the influx of consumer goods coming from neighboring China. This shift has not only changed gift-giving practices but also influenced the perception of tradition and social status. Expensive, new items are now seen as a reflection of respect and prosperity, while older, more modest customs are sometimes viewed as outdated

The growing influence of money on weddings had affected not only gift-giving but also traditional customs like livestock gifts and dowries (later more commonly known as ‘bedding’). Although the qalyn mal has not reached the pre-revolution levels, it did begin to increase gradually, with each region setting its own standards. For example, in the Jetisu region, the cost of the bride price is said to be one horse, one sheep for ölі-tіrіsі (honoring the dead and living relatives), and another sheep for the süt aqy. Matchmaking delegations from villages actually take one of their horses along as part of this custom.

More commonly these days, money is presented in an envelope, and the total amount gathered for the qalyn mal, süt aqy, and ölі-tіrіsі is publicly announced. This allows for some flexibility as the price of a horse can be adjusted with inflation. Depending on the socio-economic position of each family, some even give more money than the set amount, aiming to show their wealth and standing. By the 2000s, especially in the southern regions, it became common to calculate the bride price in U.S. dollars.

Wedding cattle, which in the past were given in addition to the bride price, are now purchased by the bride's family before her send-off ceremony. This custom is rarely discussed in recent times because even in pre-revolution matchmaking practices, the milk fee and wedding cattle were considered one present and were included in the general gifts. According to modern research, the wealthier the family became, the more varied the gifts given at the matchmaking. In fact, sometimes, in addition to the milk fee, a gift called the äke küshi (meaning ‘father's power’) is also given.

The market economy affected not only the qalyn mal but also the composition and cost of dowry or bedding. Every year, in accordance with the fashion of the time, the composition of the dowry was updated with newer varieties of dishes and utensils, and often even household appliances were added to it. Even if the family did not have the means, it was common to overdo the dowry. However, one of the peculiarities of the bedding tradition is that it isn’t just one family’s burden alone. Relatives, neighbors, and colleagues of the mother of the bride gather for a special bedding tradition, ask in advance what items need to be purchased, and then contribute their share (paintings, bedding).

Until the 2000s, the girl's mother and grandmother would sew the dowry blanket. Later, they switched to buying ready-made things. As a result, preparing the dowry has become a separate business, and making money from customs and rituals has become an integral part of today's wedding business. We have even reached the point where representatives of a wedding planning company may introduce some new rituals to be performed during weddings.

In addition to the political system and economic factors, Islam also has an influence on modern Kazakh marriage traditions. Although this is not widespread, some wealthy men are reviving the custom of marrying toqal (a junior wife), which is permissible under Shariat law and is considered an ancestral custom. In addition, earlier marriage traditions, such as bone marriage and cradle marriage, are now rarely seen, but some families are reviving these as well.

And so, as we can see, Kazakh wedding traditions have always adapted to the pressures of the times while preserving their cultural essence. Over the past thirty years, rapid modernization, globalization, and shifting societal values have brought even more changes to these customs. Yet, the transformation is far from complete. As younger generations reinterpret traditions and new social dynamics emerge, Kazakh marriage customs continue to evolve.